


Smile.

by isTrash



Series: adventures in creative writing! [6]
Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz
Genre: Angst, Character Study, Heavy Angst, Light Angst, M/M, Pining, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Unrequited Love, Weddings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-14
Updated: 2019-09-14
Packaged: 2020-10-17 17:01:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,473
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20624477
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/isTrash/pseuds/isTrash
Summary: Smile.It was the only thing that Michael Mell could think of doing in events such as this. The grin he wore on his face was foolhardy and wide, making him look drunk. Perhaps drunk on happiness.For who wouldn't be happy on this beautiful day?It is Jeremy and Christine’s wedding day and Michael has a few regrets.





	Smile.

_ Smile. _

It was the only thing that Michael Mell could think of doing in events such as this. The grin he wore on his face was foolhardy and wide, making him look drunk. Perhaps drunk on happiness.

For who wouldn't be happy on this beautiful day?

The sun was shining brightly, the birds chirping in the distance. There was laughter in the air, and people danced around in their formal attire, all so happy on this day. Jeremy’s mom had even made an appearance for this occasion. Michael was supposed to be happy as well. It was the day when his best friend in the whole wide world would get married.

Jeremy and Christine Heere. Almost everyone had expected it from the very beginning, perhaps ever since they had first set eyes on each other and Jeremy had developed that crush on her—even though he had only been fifteen years old at the time. People suspected they would end up together in Jeremy’s junior year when he got the supercomputer to achieve his goal of dating Christine.

Jeremy had cried himself to sleep in the summer before senior year when the two broke their relationship off and it had been Michael who was there to comfort him.

People had been skeptical of Jeremy when he declared that he had gotten over Christine in his senior year, but proceeded to follow her with his eyes. Everyone had whispered then, that this must be more than lust—that Jeremy must have been in love if it's lasted for so long. Wasn't it cute, though? Wasn't it cute that Jeremy was so enamored with Christine?

Everyone knew by then who would end up with whom. Jake Dillinger would marry Rich Goranski, Chloe Valentine would marry Brooke Lohst, and Jeremy Heere would one day marry Christine Canigula. They all would end up having a very happy life.

That was before things went wrong.

That was before Jeremy was diagnosed with intense PTSD and depression, and he withdrew into himself so much that even his father couldn't get him to cheer up. The quiet blue-eyed boy would not eat, could not sleep. It had been too much for him to know that something else was wrong with him, for him to know that the reason he woke up in a cold sweat with electric blue eyes engraved into his sight was much more meaningful.

So when no one could console Jeremy, and Christine could not get him to even speak to her, they had all turned to Michael. Sweet, determined Michael who had shown his courage when he researched and deactivated all the SQUIPs. Michael, who trusted Jeremy implicitly and whom Jeremy trusted back as well.

Michael, surely, would be able to make everything better.

And so Michael had complied with the wishes of his friends, smiling in the darkness of Jeremy’s gloom and weaning the other boy out into the open, getting him to eat and sleep again, even if it was only small amounts. Michael, who opened up his heart so that Jeremy could heal, had shared all his thoughts with Jeremy, had reassured him that, in time, everything would be, if not okay, then better.

Jeremy had started to recover. Those blue eyes would smile back when Michael smiled, even if Jeremy’s facial expression was still vacant. The brown haired boy would follow Michael wherever he went, sometimes clinging to the edge of his sleeves. Dear, sweet Michael who would never hurt anyone and had created the miracle of keeping Jeremy Heere alive. Hard-working, innocent Michael who thought that everything would be alright again once Jeremy was okay.

Michael had thought that once Jeremy was better, everything else would be better as well. After all, to him, it was Jeremy Heere who started and ended his days. It was Jeremy who occasionally called Michael over to his house at some ungodly hour because he needed solstice from his frequent nightmares, which always ended with the two boys sharing Jeremy’s bed. It was Jeremy who depended on him to always be there, and looked at him with such adoring eyes. Jeremy was the one who would make everything better, would defeat the darkness in his mind and return back to Michael’s side.

Michael had assumed that Jeremy would always return.

A year after Jeremy’s diagnosis, they were all in college.

One day, Michael had been furious when he came back from a lecture to find Jeremy and Christine making out on Jeremy’s bed. Why?! Why was something like that happening? Christine didn't know what Jeremy needed! Christine didn't know that Jeremy was still recovering, and wouldn't be able to commit to a relationship! Christine was exactly what Jeremy  didn't need at the moment!!!

But Michael hadn't interrupted. Instead, he left their dorm once again, wandering the halls until he could calm his raging temper, trying to understand why he felt so angry. Jeremy and Christine were meant for each other, after all. Everyone said so.

But what about Michael, who was always overlooked and categorized as just Jeremy’s childhood best friend? What about the extra Filipino boy who always found the solution for things and had fucking  rescued Jeremy Heere from the dark recesses of his mind?

_“You're so sweet, Michael.”_

_“If anyone could help Jeremy, you can, Michael!”_

It wasn’t fair. It wasn’t fucking fair!  He was supposed to be the one to help Jeremy. He was supposed to be the one that Jeremy needed. Christine hadn't  done anything for Jeremy. She wasn't good enough for him! She didn't know what the shifting in those blue eyes meant, what it felt like to be needed by him. She couldn't understand how sweet it was to wrap both arms around the brown-haired boy, to feel him sigh and relax into the embrace. She couldn't know how it felt to wake up and watch that sleeping face, so full of pain when he was awake, but so innocent and peaceful when he was asleep.

It had never been Christine who was there to help Jeremy… but that didn't matter to the eyes of the public.

When Michael had gathered up the nerve to go back to his and Jeremy’s shared dorm, he was bombarded with apologies that he had to see that, confirmations that the two were, indeed, together again.

And Michael had smiled. He had stretched his face until he truly believed that his expression would shatter into a million pieces, and then everyone would understand that no, he  wasn't all kind and sweet and understanding. That he wanted to scream and rage at the both of them to understand that  he was the one who had helped Jeremy, that  he was the one who should have deserved that kiss- that  he was the one who knew Jeremy inside out…  he was the one who was in love with Jeremy, not Christine!

But Michael had only smiled.

And five years later, after their college graduation, after they had all separated their own ways, Michael received his invitation as best man to their wedding. He hadn't wanted to go. He wasn’t even sure if he could bestill his heart when he saw Jeremy again. There had been a reason that Michael had moved to Chicago as a technician. He wasn’t sure that he could face Jeremy again, see Jeremy smile at Christine the way that he used to smile at Michael.

But, he had come.

And it hurt. It hurt so much to see Jeremy so happy with Christine. But this was how it was meant to be, wasn't it?

"Aren't they just perfect together?" One of Christine’s bridesmaids next to him had sighed before the ceremony. "It's like the ending to a great fairy tale, where they live happily ever after."

Michael had to resist the urge to deck that person. It wasn't fair. Life shouldn't be a fairy tale. It wasn't a fairy tale, really, considering that it was  him who had saved Jeremy, and not Christine. Michael still felt heated rage whenever he thought about that.

But he had smiled at the other person, determined to see it through. He was going to be there for Jeremy, because Jeremy had personally written the wedding invitation, pleading to see him again because they had been best friends of twenty two years.

So for Jeremy… Michael would smile again. Just like he smiled when he had first seen the small brown-haired boy when they were both four; so bright eyed and happy.

A cheer went up as the couple kissed at the alter; sealing their marriage vow. Michael could only stare, wondering if things could have been different… wondering why it was Christine up there and not himself.

But he smiled anyway. Smiled so much that it hurt physically as well as emotionally.

_Smile, Michael._

**Author's Note:**

> this was just a little one-shot i wrote. i was recently at a wedding between one of my former crushes and my best friend and, despite me being totally over her (i have a boyfriend now, and i love him <3), i still felt really jealous. as i was basking in my irrational feelings of jealousy, i came up with this. soo, yeah. thank you so much for reading and happy friday the 13th :)


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